John Hendow

A few years ago I purchased a set of Husky brand socket wrenches from Home Depot.

Some worthwhile facts:
Husky tools are sold exclusively at Home Depot
These tools carry a lifetime warranty
According to the Husky tools web site, if you ever have a problem with any of their products, just return it to any Home Depot for cheerful no-questions-asked replacement

Last month I was using my 3/8″ socket wrench for the first time and it broke. It appears the internal ratchet mechanism had a faulty part that sheared off. No big deal… the wrench has a lifetime warranty, and it sounded simple enough to get a replacement.

My absurdist tendencies are always in play, even at the hardware store. Yesterday I attempted to return it to Home Depot and after waiting in line at the returns desk, I had the following experience:

Me: “Hi, I would like to get a replacement for this wrench”
HD: “It looks like you broke it”
Me: “Golly! Do I look strong enough to break a wrench? I mean, thanks, but seriously, I weigh like 150 pounds. Anyway, it’s broken.”
HD: “You should return it the manufacturer. Next, please”
Me: “Wait. According to the manufacturer’s web site, I am supposed to bring it to Home Depot for a replacement”
HD: “Do you have the receipt?”
Me: “No. But Husky tools have a lifetime warranty. And I’m still alive. therefore…”
HD: “Yes, that’s true, but the warranty is for the lifetime of the tool”
Me: “So… are you saying the tool is under warranty until it breaks?”
[blank stare… ]
HD: “Go to the tools department and find the same model. Bring it to me”
[I went and got the item, which has the same part number engraved on it]
Me: “Here. This is the same tool. Mine came as part of a set, but everything else is OK”
[at this point I have committed a tactical error by providing unnecessary information]
HD: “Then I can’t exchange it. You need to bring the whole set in for replacement”
Me: “Seriously? What will you do with the rest of set?”
HD: “Replace it with a new set”
Me: “That’s nice, but what happens to my old set?”
HD: “We’ll either send it back to the manufacturer or just dispose of it”
Me: “Why? Nothing else is broken. Whether you ship it back or throw it away, that seems wasteful. You also sell this wrench as a separate item. It is more efficient and ecologically conscientious to simply replace the broken item”
HD: “You need to bring in the whole set. Next, please”
Me: “But there’s nothing wrong with the other items in the set. Most of the sockets are  unused… they’re still shiny and clean. Why do they need to be replaced?”
HD: “Because this (indicating wrench) isn’t the same item as the one you brought in”
[I point out the item number engraved on the tools is identical]
HD: “No. This is not the same item”
Me: “Ack. Can I please speak to a manager?”
[ten minutes elapse]
[Manager appears. I explain the situation]
Manager: (examining the broken tool) “Is this your wrench?”
Me: “Yes”
Manager: (examining the replacement) “Is this the same item?”
Me: (indicating matching item numbers) “Yes”
Manager: (exchanges items) “No problem. Thanks for coming in.”

So I got a shiny new wrench to match the shiny sockets in my set. Whew. Hardly “cheerful”, and there were plenty of odd questions, but I did get a replacement. Fortunately, the returns desk cashier didn’t feel like it was a management cram-down. She was actually pretty cool about it despite the fact that I was a bit of a goofball. Sometimes the rules just don’t make any sense to me.